Tuesday Things: Allowing Myself To Heal

Happy birthday and snow day to me!  The universe sure has my back today!  I can’t think of a better way to start my 30s than with a snow day.  And then Erin Stutland showed up in my inbox with a workout deal I just couldn’t say no to.  Plus, I’ve got some Kino McGregor Ashtanga yoga practice to get to that has me super excited.  Could this day get any better?  I think so.  It seems to just be getting better and better every minute!

Today I wanted to write about a new practice I’m trying out.  With the holidays (and lots of celebrations in general with my birthday and anniversary thrown in here), there’s a. lot. a. lot. (I thought it warranted repeating) of sticky emotional situations that arise.

I’ve already encountered two situations that had me hurt and emotional.  Normally, my hurt self would chat it over with a few of my closest peeps that I know would say comforting and compassionate things to me.

My hubs is usually pretty helpful even if he’s always in fix it mode.  I sometimes have to get through hurt to fix it. But when I’m ready to fix it, he’s the one I turn to.

My mom and mother in law are also awesome ears to bend for level headed, compassionate listening and advice.  They’re always so patient and always have my back.

This time, I’ve handled things differently.

Working through the Erin Stutland Mini Challenge this past week has shown me how powerful voicing words can be.  She takes this to the positive awesomeness level.

I wondered though, am I giving power to the negative things I voice too?  Is the discussion. hmm. rant helping me accept and move on or is it just allowing myself to wallow in the situation?  I’m not really a wallow-er, but I was still curious about this idea.

Instead of running to the nearest person that would listen to my hurt feelings last week, I prayed. mediated. call it what you will.  I had a good sit down chat with me and my soul.  I witnessed my feelings.  I was hurt because I was comparing myself to others.  I forgave myself for being hurt and for comparing myself to others.  I allowed myself to release these feelings.

Did it work the first time? No.

I did this every. single. morning and every. single. night to start off my meditation for probably close to a week.

I also did not talk about my hurt to anyone. else.  Just good ole me, because I suspected I might be able to handle it on my own.

Today I am no longer hurt by the event that occurred last week.  I think it’s interesting that this Gabrielle Bernstein inspired practice does not require me to forgive the object of my hurt.  I’m not sure I can yet.  What it allows me to do is forgive myself for being hurt and releasing those negative feelings.

This way I can meet the person that hurt me with love, kindness, and patience even though I did not forgive them per se.  Because the reality is that I don’t have to understand why they did it, I just have to allow myself to accept it and love them.

Now I get to start working on the next assignment.

I’m not. NOT. trying to suggest that chatting over a problem or grievance is BAD.  I’m NOT. not.

To the purpose of release or advice, I think it can be great.

I tend to use grievances to the purpose of bonding or discussion, and that is something I am actively working on right now.  I feel awkward in social situations, and I will normally pull anything. ANY. topic I can think of out of my hat to fill silences.

And several weeks ago I stumbled upon this old pin I’d saved:



And I was humbled.

This has become an active practice of mine with every single social encounter I have.  I am trying to get it rotated into my morning meditation. prayers.  To ask for guidance in verbally contributing only knowledge or beauty to the world.

I am also confidant that I am in a place in my life where I am very capable of dealing with these issues myself.  I am not. NOT. bottling up these emotions and feelings.  I am dealing with them in the most real. personal. way I’ve ever dealt with things.

In fact, I was surprised that I didn’t itch to spill the beans to someone. anyone. as time went on.  Every day it actually became easier not to talk about it, because I was really dealing with it in an honest, kind way.

However, this is just what is working for me.  Please take it for what it is and nothing more.

Today I am grateful for it all.


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